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Name: | Mystery Man |
| Date of Birth: | During the Kennedy Administration | |
| Nick Name: | Classified | |
| Marital Status: | Farang Wife = 1 Thai Wife = No comment |
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| Hometown: | Hockeytown, U.S.A. |
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| Occupation: | Mayor of Baghdad (Is that taken?) | |
| How Long in BKK so far: | 2 years | |
| Plan to leave: | When expelled by immigration authorities for human rights violations | |
| Position: | Where ever Scotty Hockey dumps me | |
| Shoots: | When shot at | |
| Favorite NHL Team: | Red Wings (pre-2003) | |
| Team Status: | Active | |
| Favorite Player and Why: | Steve Yzerman because he has more natural teeth in his mellon than any other player with as many years in the NHL. | |
| Most Hated Celebrity and Why: | Tie between Alec Baldwin, Sean Penn, and any other pseudo-intellectual blowhard who, because of his fleeting Hollywood fame, feels compelled to share his asinine views of foreign policy with the world and expects us to listen. | |
| Dream Woman: | Looks: California, Attitude: Thai (May pen rai), Religion: Muslim (“Multiple wives? No problem!”) |
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| Best Habit: | He shoots, he scores! | |
| Worst Habit: | Lying about the frequency of best habit. | |
| Favorite Movie: | Apocalypse Now, a feature the whole family can enjoy | |
| Top 3 CD’s of all Time: | Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon; Barber, Adagio For Strings (pre-dates CDs by several decades); Squeeze, Singles—45’s and Under. | |
| Bangkok Pet Peeve: | Too many quality skating facilities—which to choose? | |
| Home Pet Peeve: | Too many young Thai girls—which to choose? | |
| Favorite Drink: | Southern Comfort on the rocks | |
| Favorite Shooter: | M-4 Carbine 5.56 millimeter | |
| Favorite Bar or Restaurant in BKK | Any serious, high-brow establishment with exquisite cuisine where the waitresses wear thigh-length boots. | |
| Future Ambitions: | Survive the war against Syria (oops, that’s classified . . .) |
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