Name: Mystery Man
Date of Birth: During the Kennedy Administration
Nick Name: Classified
Marital Status: Farang Wife = 1
Thai Wife = No comment

Hockeytown, U.S.A.
(That’s Detroit for you hockey-challenged sketchies)

Occupation: Mayor of Baghdad (Is that taken?)
How Long in BKK so far: 2 years
Plan to leave: When expelled by immigration authorities for human rights violations
Position: Where ever Scotty Hockey dumps me
Shoots: When shot at
Favorite NHL Team: Red Wings (pre-2003)
Team Status: Active
Favorite Player and Why: Steve Yzerman because he has more natural teeth in his mellon than any other player with as many years in the NHL.
Most Hated Celebrity and Why: Tie between Alec Baldwin, Sean Penn, and any other pseudo-intellectual blowhard who, because of his fleeting Hollywood fame, feels compelled to share his asinine views of foreign policy with the world and expects us to listen.
Dream Woman: Looks: California,
Attitude: Thai (May pen rai),
Religion: Muslim
(“Multiple wives? No problem!”)
Best Habit: He shoots, he scores!
Worst Habit: Lying about the frequency of best habit.
Favorite Movie: Apocalypse Now, a feature the whole family can enjoy
Top 3 CD’s of all Time: Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon; Barber, Adagio For Strings (pre-dates CDs by several decades); Squeeze, Singles—45’s and Under.
Bangkok Pet Peeve: Too many quality skating facilities—which to choose?
Home Pet Peeve: Too many young Thai girls—which to choose?
Favorite Drink: Southern Comfort on the rocks
Favorite Shooter: M-4 Carbine 5.56 millimeter
Favorite Bar or Restaurant in BKK Any serious, high-brow establishment with exquisite cuisine where the waitresses wear thigh-length boots.
Future Ambitions: Survive the war against Syria
(oops, that’s classified . . .)